Hi, so this is my first time writing about this..
My boyfriend sexually assaulted me five years ago. We were messing around at my parents house, and somehow things were misinterpreted. We were on the floor and he pinned me against the foot of the sofa and he tried to penetrate me, I struggled and said “stop” and “no” repeatedly, but he ignored it because he thought I was not serious (I had made some teasing comments earlier related to sex). I started crying, and then he stopped, realising he had done something wrong.
I was pretty hysterical and terrified at this point and he tried to calm me down and apologised repeatedly saying he didn’t realise.
We have talked about it, and we both have a pretty clear memory of what happened, except I think it went on for a couple of minutes and he feels it was much shorter (I know it might be that fear made it seem longer for me). I feel awful about it because I have never been able to tell anyone, I love my boyfriend and I know he would never harm me on purpose.
I feel like I cannot tell anyone (including my therapist) because of what they will think of him, also because I think people might think I am trying to get sympathy or attention. He is wracked with guilt about what happened. We rarely talk about it, I don’t think about it very much now, but what is happening with some youtubers made me think about it lately.
Writing this has given me more respect for other people who talk about what happened to them, it was really difficult to write this, I feel so sick. Often I find myself trying to minimize it, or get annoyed at myself if I think about it again, thinking I should be over it by now, and that it wasn’t a “big deal”. I don’t really know what I should do in order to get over it.
>teenage actress’s private nudes get leaked
>teenage actress is reviled as a slut and a wh*re and a bad role model
>james franco asks a seventeen-year-old girl if he can meet her in a private hotel room
>james franco gets to go on saturday night live and joke about what a silly doofus he is for soliciting sex from a girl literally half his age
DO NOT DARE OVERLOOK THIS POST
When people ask for resources I’m not quite sure what they’re looking for so I really hope one of these links covers it:
Forum (not specifically for PTSD)
Forum (not specifically for rape victims - I have not heard anything about this one so I don’t know how safe it is)
Please feel free to add anything you think may be useful, especially if it’s something you’ve tried out before!
- Mod D.
Look at all the hair colors. There's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head! So much diversity!
Stop complaining, there are like four princesses of color and you want more. That would be historically inaccurate.
I wish that more blonde haired a blue eyed princesses because I can't relate to any of the other white ones.
Trigger warnings for child molest, sexual assault and victim blaming as well as mentions of depression & self harm. I hope it’s alright my experience is a little descriptive. ( I would appreciate if my email could be kept confidential)
I was molested by my uncle for years since I was 12 (I am 19 now). At that time, my Aunt and Mother were very close and we visited her every week. Every time I went to my Aunt’s house, my uncle would try to get me alone and proceed to touch me inappropriately. He would hug me, grope my bum and my breasts and often walked in on me changing. One time he went as far as touching my vagina. He would do it even when I tried to say no and clearly felt very uncomfortable. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to strain the relationship between my Aunt and Mother. Since I come from a very conservative family, my parents put a lot of emphasis on preserving the family honour and I felt that if I ever told anyone about it, I would be ‘dishonouring’ the family and I also felt that nobody would believe me.
I only ever told one person about it and she said that I should forget about it and that I should have stayed away from him since he drinks a lot and drunk men often behave that way. She also said that he was inappropriate to everyone and that it wasn’t just me. I clearly recall her saying: ‘All men are like that.’ She also reinforced my fear that talking about it and approaching an adult for help would only bring disappointment and shame to me and my family.
The only person I trusted enough to talk about my sexual abuse both victim blamed me and silenced me instead of helping me. In retrospect this really fucked with my mind. Not only did it contribute to my depression, anxiety problems and self harm, it also made me try to justify my uncle’s behavior. It made me think that since he’s only doing it when he’s drunk, it must mean he’s a good person deep down because he would never do that when he’s sober right? I used to believe that. Sometimes, I still feel frightened when a man comes and sits down beside me on the bus even if I have no idea who he is.
I wish I understood about victim blaming and had to courage to speak up about it back then. The sexual abuse only stopped because he passed away a year and a half ago. I’m not sure if I should tell anyone now because part of me feels like since he’s dead, what’s the point?
I guess I just wanted to share my story and tell people don’t ever victim shame. It adds a lot of emotional and mental damage to the person.
I’ve noticed on more than one occasion that some people will reblog posts from us and then remove the image description.
Please don’t do this.
We type almost all of those up ourselves, and you’re basically throwing away our work. More importantly, we do these to make it easier for visually impaired people to access all the content on our blog, and removing it just because you think it takes up too much space and/or it doesn’t look pretty is a crappy and very privileged thing to do. If you really don’t want the transcript (I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t, though), please just reblog from someone else. Don’t make it look like we’ve fucked up on accessibility when we haven’t.
- Mod D.
- Mod D.
2.I cry easily and this person constantly mocks ppl (esp. women) who cry, so an angry confrontation is not an option. When I bring up the abusive behaviour with other family members I’m told I exaggerate. Am I exaggerating?
Doesn’t sound like it, and it’s especially frustrating when other family members seem to side with the abusive person. To be honest I’m not sure if there is anything that can be done with such a person, my only solution to similar situations in my personal life has been to either cut them out if possible, or blatantly mock and make fun of the person especially when they get the angry and demanding reactions. If anyone else has better thoughts, please do share.
- main mod.
I really appreciate this blog. It has been so great to read and to grow in my understanding of rape culture. Through my exposure to this blog, I have even been given the courage to name some of my experiences as rape, that previously I wouldn’t have.
I recently had a sexual experience and I am not sure how to feel about it. I was very intoxicated and my male friend (who was completely sober) and I ended up making out and giving each other hand jobs.
In the morning, after I had sobered up, I felt bad about the experience because this guy has a girlfriend. I never want to be the kind of person who engages with someone who has a significant other. I didn’t feel bad about our physical encounter, but only that he had a girl friend. When I told my roommate about the experience she told me that, because I was drunk, I wasn’t able to give consent, and thus it was sexual assault. I immediately felt defensive about this. She then asked if I would have done what I did sober and I told her “no”, but mostly because he has a girlfriend, not because I wouldn’t have wanted to make out with him. All of our interactions were definitely initiated by him, and I do believe that intoxicated people can not give consent, but I feel confused about how to feel about it.
Should I feel bad? Should I be angry at him for being physical with me while intoxicated? Even if I do not feel mistreated? My roommate suggested that I not spend time with this guy because he clearly doesn’t respect women or getting consent. I feel very confused about how to feel about this guy. Any thoughts?
What he did was at best really shady and your roommate is right about him obviously being disrespectful and unconcerned with your feelings.
That said, I can’t tell you how to feel but I do recommend that you take a few days to think about it and to see whether you wish to continue with this friendship, whether you want to confront him or not, etc.
- Mod D.